Recently we were having a family discussion about spending some money to do something nice for “Mom” for Mother’s Day. I was encouraging this and the kids seemed excited – until, that is, one of them decided we should scratch the idea and spend the money on the kids. My explanation that this wasn’t going to happen was met with the following angry accusation: “Mom gets everything she wants, because of you!”
Though I’m sure my wife would argue as to the truth of that statement, I took it as a great compliment. My wife doesn’t ask for much and I certainly don’t do an adequate job of giving her all that she needs, but I’m glad that my children recognize that I honor their mother and make her a priority in my life. I think this is essential for developing within them the kind of honor and respect they must have for their mother and in turn for women in general.
In a culture that is increasingly disrespectful of women it is vital that godly men not only harbor feelings of honor and respect toward our wives and mothers, but that we express it and demonstrate it in front of our children. We cannot expect that they will do or feel what they have never seen. It must be modeled, encouraged and cultivated.
There are many ways to do this, but one way that works particularly well for my young children is to simply tell them stories. They love a good story and stories make for great opportunities to have some fun, inform them of their history and also give honor to those to whom it is due.
I tell them stories of my mom (their Grammy) who loved us fiercely, but wasn’t afraid to grab us by the ear if we got out of hand. I tell them how she taught us God’s Word, but also modeled an authentic and vulnerable relationship with the Lord. They’ve heard stories of how she has protected us from danger, and also that she always made our stomach flutter when she drove over the railroad tracks. Most of all, they hear that their Dad loves his Mom and they believe that is the way it ought to be.
In addition, I try to regularly make them aware of the story playing out in front of them every day. I point out the sacrifices their mom makes for them and for me. We talk about her hard work, her love, her care and attention. I encourage them to express gratitude for her selfless service. Though never as often as she deserves, I praise her in front of them for being a wonderful wife and mother. They know that Dad is flawed, but they also know he loves their Mom and believe that’s the way it ought to be.
My desire for my children is that they appreciate their mother and recognize that I love her and appreciate her too. I want my sons to grow up with a clear and biblical picture of how to treat a lady and I want my daughters to understand how they should be treated by men. The best hope of this desire coming true is if I take the time and make the effort to model this myself – even if I risk them thinking that I give Mom anything she wants.